5 Essential Human (Emotional) Needs

I have been traveling the world since I was 6 years old off and on. In October 2016 I decided to sell and get rid of practically everything that I owned so that I could travel the world and share my Ancient Lomi Lomi / Ke Ala Hōkū practice with those that resonated with it. In May 2017 that journey began. I have been traveling non-stop ever since. I have had the chance to meet people from different socio-economic & education levels, religions, sexual orientations and (non) gender expressions, upbringings, and shades of humanity. I don’t care what part of the world one was born in, how one was raised, what one had or didn’t have, or what one was (not) given, in general…human beings want 5 things in this life…

  1. to be LOVED
  2. to be ACCEPTED
  3. to be VALIDATED
  4. to be SEEN
  5. to be HEARD

The main problem in our western society is that we have to been taught to get those things EXTERNALLY. “If you have this kind of relationship, then you’ll be loved. If you have this kind of look, then you’ll be validated. If you follow our rules, then you’ll be accepted.” This goes on and on and continues to change within every relationship (platonic, work-related, intimate, stranger), family, community, society, generation, socio-economic status, religion, country, and so on. It’s a form of manipulation and control. In general, we haven’t been taught how to love, accept, validate, see, or hear ourselves. Therefore, how can we give that to someone else? I can’t give what I don’t have. I can’t give unconditional love and acceptance if I haven’t received or experienced it for myself. It’s not our parents, relatives, grandparents, friends, or teachers fault because they may have not received that either. We were marinating in our mothers womb as she absorbed society’s, religions, familial, and spousal ways of being, not to mention going through whatever she was going through. Is this “good” or “bad”? You get to decide as your individual experience is unlike anyone else’s. There may be similarities that you have with others, but no one has experienced what you have because there’s no one else like you.

In general, we are in a constant search for others so we can feel a part of a community, represented, and not alone. What is wrong with being alone? Does it mean you have to deal with whatever is happening in your life, sit in and feel whatever is arising in your thoughts, feelings, or emotions? If you are unable to do that and run to a partner, sex, drugs, alcohol, work, or try to help others so you don’t have to deal with your own stuff, then you’re doing exactly what you’ve been taught by our society. You’re seeking an external “solution” to fill, cover up, or numb an inner void that can never be filled. If you’re unable to love, accept, validate, see, and hear YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations, visions, memories, and/or traumas just as they are, then this will continue to bleed into other areas of your life and show up in different patterning, habits, and even illness. You will only be able to offer that to the degree which you have given it to yourself. This is something indigenous and eastern cultures have known for centuries.

I would probably be in the top 5% percentile of people that between the ages of 11 – 33 who did things for others, went against my own boundaries and better judgment, and tried to please everyone so I could feel loved, accepted, validated, seen, and heard. For years I hated certain parts of myself. I went on an internal self-journey (going on nearly 20 years) to see where those parts of me came from, what were their origin points, and how they bled into other areas of my life. Plus, to see what else was possible beyond my wildest imagination. Why did I allow them to have control? What stories were they validating in my life? What purpose were they serving? What would happen if they didn’t have that power? WHO WOULD I BE WITHOUT THEM??? Those parts of me will always be with me. They are a part of my human experience and don’t define who I am. The difference is I have created a space where they are all equal in my internal universe. One is not better or worse than another. It is from here that I have learned, and continue to learn, how to love, accept, validate, see, and hear all of who I am to the best of my abilities. Am I perfect at keeping it balanced? No, I never will be. Do I still avoid things? Yes, like writing this blog that has taken me 3 years to start. Do I have an answer for all of my emotions, feelings, traumas or triggers? No, I don’t. I may never have an answer to the origin points of why a part of me is the way it is. Plus, I don’t have to “know”, mentally. My life is constantly showing me infinite possibilities of answers in my body, sensations, interactions, feelings, emotions, and more if I’m willing to be aware of them. Life is reflecting back to me, and you, my internal state of Being.

Here’s another way of looking at it from my massage practice. What I do in my life I do on my massage table. What I do on my massage table I do in my life. They are not separate from each other. They are interconnected. They are One. If you’re avoiding something at work, how are you similarly avoiding something in your relationships, the way you eat, the way you react or respond to a trigger or conflict, addictions, etc.

If what I wrote made you feel anything, questioned a part of your life, or even made you upset…FEEL THAT just as it is. If you thought that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about…ACCEPT that just as it is. If something was triggered within you…LOVE, VALIDATE, SEE, AND HEAR IT just as it is. If you don’t know how to do that, that’s okay. In my workshops, seminars, and classes we will dive into our internal worlds and I will do my best to provide a space for you to experience the depths of yourself. You have to take the next step, and the one after that, to see what is possible. I can’t, and won’t, do that for you. Plus, I can’t share what I haven’t done myself. 😉

Please understand that whatever I write is never “written in stone” because I’m a constantly evolving human being. It’s ONE possibility of infinite possibilities. I never stop changing and evolving because this entire universe is constantly changing and evolving. This is my perspective for now. Tomorrow is another day.

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